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The good news: Dating while sober can be just as good, something I found out firsthand when I gave up drinking and continued going out.

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Ask yourself: Am I doing things or talking about things with this person that I don't do or talk about with my spouse?Am I going to complicated lengths to arrange time with this person?Think ahead to what the courts might think of you as a parent.You may think your partner wouldn’t fight you on custody, but people change when they get into a divorce court.Seeking company and a little romance, Thea became a member of Ashley, a website that connects married people wanting to have an affair.Thea began an ongoing affair after a few dates with a man.

"Most people, I've found, can recover from sexual infidelity more readily than from the fact that they were lied to," says Vaughan.

Appreciation, Not Apathy Vowing "till death do us part" doesn't mean throwing in the towel when it comes to appreciating your spouse.

That kind of complacency invites an apathy that slowly takes your bond for granted—and being taken for granted often leads to seeking value elsewhere.

But experts say that a large majority of the time, motivations differ by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention and women looking to fill an emotional void.

"Women tell me, 'I was lonely, not connected, I didn't feel close to my partner, and I was taken for granted,'" marriage and family therapist Winifred Reilly says.